Romance in the Modern Wedding

I recently went to a wedding, and like many other weddings, I watched the bride and groom float across the dance floor, gliding to the sound of “Kabhi kabhie mere dil mein, khayal aata hai...ghunghat utaraha hu main...” - the ultimate Hindi love song. I wondered to myself why so many couples choose this song for their first dance anyway? Don’t get me wrong – I love the song. I even vividly remember the movie scene – gorgeous Rakhi Gulzar adorned in a beautiful wedding dress, awaiting her husband in a bedroom extravagantly decorated with hanging flowers and petals on the bed. It’s an image that has stayed with me since I was a child. But I still wonder what it is about this song, in a film music industry that pumps out hundreds of romantic songs year after year, that has made it so prominent in our hearts and memories, all the way here in Canada. It’s always mystified me, as part of a South Asian background which is usually so closed about romance and sex, to see elaborate suhaag raat scenes showcased openly in Bollywood films like Kabhi Kabhie. How could such a taboo topic for South Asians be at the same time so openly displayed, appreciated, and celebrated as the culmination of romance? After all, the tradition of suhaag raat has existed for hundreds, or maybe thousands, of years and apparently all across South Asia. Is there some underlying value to the tradition of the suhaag raat that has assisted in its survival for all these years, and across borders? Is there some value we can take from that tradition in today’s fast-paced and career-oriented lifestyle that often leaves little if any room or time for romance?

As I sat there at the wedding reception, among 300 other guests, I thought to myself, “It’s very romantic”. I’ve been to so many weddings over the years, and of course, had the experience of my own wedding. The typical South Asian wedding consists of days of pre-wedding parties, a long wedding ceremony, lots of family and friends, lots of alcohol and food, music and of course, a great party. How can the couple possibly think about romance amidst all this?

It’s ironic. While young South Asian Canadians are struggling to balance South Asian heritage and values with the Western traditions and lifestyle by choosing to date over an arranged marriage, shedding traditional views of what an appropriate life partner is, and increasingly living their married lives separately from parents rather than as a traditional extended family, weddings continue to focus on the communal aspect of South Asian weddings. If South Asian Canadians have begun to focus on themselves, then why haven’t they adopted the one wedding tradition that focuses completely on the couple?

Suhaag raat is the one tradition that focuses on romance. Yet in a society where young couples are trying to work out their hectic schedules to make time for one another, where the concept of “working on a relationship” has become a norm, the suhaag raat ritual hasn’t become part of the wedding process like other wedding traditions. I’m not really sure how or why the tradition of suhaag raat has been imbedded in our culture, Bollywood movies and songs for so long, but I do think that suhaag raat has an important role to play in modern weddings – it’s a romance revival after a long day of festivities with family and friends.

My husband and I were married almost three years ago. Our wedding, much like the one I attended, was filled with days of pre-parties, family and friends, emotions, and was of course hectic. At the end of it all, we had a fantastic time. But honestly, the only time I think either of stopped to think about ourselves was the wedding night. Maybe that’s the attraction to the song Kabhi Kabhie – it reminds us of the point of all the festivities of the day – love and romance. It reminds us of those first few moments, alone, with each other...

Nirmala

A Night of Romance

http://www.anightofromance.ca/