Romance in the Modern Wedding

I recently went to a wedding, and like many other weddings, I watched the bride and groom float across the dance floor, gliding to the sound of “Kabhi kabhie mere dil mein, khayal aata hai...ghunghat utaraha hu main...” - the ultimate Hindi love song. I wondered to myself why so many couples choose this song for their first dance anyway? Don’t get me wrong – I love the song. I even vividly remember the movie scene – gorgeous Rakhi Gulzar adorned in a beautiful wedding dress, awaiting her husband in a bedroom extravagantly decorated with hanging flowers and petals on the bed. It’s an image that has stayed with me since I was a child. But I still wonder what it is about this song, in a film music industry that pumps out hundreds of romantic songs year after year, that has made it so prominent in our hearts and memories, all the way here in Canada. It’s always mystified me, as part of a South Asian background which is usually so closed about romance and sex, to see elaborate suhaag raat scenes showcased openly in Bollywood films like Kabhi Kabhie. How could such a taboo topic for South Asians be at the same time so openly displayed, appreciated, and celebrated as the culmination of romance? After all, the tradition of suhaag raat has existed for hundreds, or maybe thousands, of years and apparently all across South Asia. Is there some underlying value to the tradition of the suhaag raat that has assisted in its survival for all these years, and across borders? Is there some value we can take from that tradition in today’s fast-paced and career-oriented lifestyle that often leaves little if any room or time for romance?

As I sat there at the wedding reception, among 300 other guests, I thought to myself, “It’s very romantic”. I’ve been to so many weddings over the years, and of course, had the experience of my own wedding. The typical South Asian wedding consists of days of pre-wedding parties, a long wedding ceremony, lots of family and friends, lots of alcohol and food, music and of course, a great party. How can the couple possibly think about romance amidst all this?

It’s ironic. While young South Asian Canadians are struggling to balance South Asian heritage and values with the Western traditions and lifestyle by choosing to date over an arranged marriage, shedding traditional views of what an appropriate life partner is, and increasingly living their married lives separately from parents rather than as a traditional extended family, weddings continue to focus on the communal aspect of South Asian weddings. If South Asian Canadians have begun to focus on themselves, then why haven’t they adopted the one wedding tradition that focuses completely on the couple?

Suhaag raat is the one tradition that focuses on romance. Yet in a society where young couples are trying to work out their hectic schedules to make time for one another, where the concept of “working on a relationship” has become a norm, the suhaag raat ritual hasn’t become part of the wedding process like other wedding traditions. I’m not really sure how or why the tradition of suhaag raat has been imbedded in our culture, Bollywood movies and songs for so long, but I do think that suhaag raat has an important role to play in modern weddings – it’s a romance revival after a long day of festivities with family and friends.

My husband and I were married almost three years ago. Our wedding, much like the one I attended, was filled with days of pre-parties, family and friends, emotions, and was of course hectic. At the end of it all, we had a fantastic time. But honestly, the only time I think either of stopped to think about ourselves was the wedding night. Maybe that’s the attraction to the song Kabhi Kabhie – it reminds us of the point of all the festivities of the day – love and romance. It reminds us of those first few moments, alone, with each other...

Nirmala

A Night of Romance

http://www.anightofromance.ca/

Inspiration from Bollywood

Like many children of Indian immigrant parents in Toronto, I grew up watching Bollywood movies. Since the dawn of Indian cinema, movie watching has been an intrinsic part of Indian culture so it is of no surprise that Indians who immigrated to Canada would continue that tradition. However, I think movie watching became more than just a form of entertainment for South Asian immigrants in their new country; it became a way to stay connected to their homeland. As a first generation Canadian, Bollywood movies were unlike any North American movies I had seen: they were filled with larger-than-life heroes, melodrama, action-packed fight scenes, great music with chereographed dance sequences, fantasy, and, of course, the love story. With a lack of South Asian faces on mainstream TV and movies in the 70s and 80s I was drawn to Bollywood movies to see women who looked like me and wanted to grow up to be as beautiful and glamorous as Parveen Babi, Zenat Aman and Rekha. As over the top Bollywood movies were I was also drawn to them as they provided a glimpse of of Indian culture and traditions of a country my parents missed and longed for.

My first introduction to the tradition of Suhaag Raat (elaborate wedding night decorations) came from Bollywood movies. I can still remember the first time I saw the popular movie, "Kabhi Kabhie", and the beautful wedding night scene where the actress, Rakhee, is sitting in a bed adorned with flowers. I had never seen anything like this before and was mesmorized by the elaborate decorations of the bedroom to celebrate this special night for the bride and groom.

Rakhee from the movie, "Kabhi Kabhie"

Romantic love is most often the central theme of Bollywood movies so the image of the suhaag raat added a very romantic scene to the movies. The beautiful flowers and flower petals, the rich colours, diyas (Indian oil lamps) softly lighting the room, and stunning decor were all part of what made the suhaag raat scene so romantic in the movies.

Actress, Mumtaz



Actress Poonam Dhillon from the movie, "Noorie"

As I became a little older my parents explained to me that the suhaag raat scenes I saw in Bollywood movies were actually based on a long-held South Asian tradition that has been in existence for hundred of years. I held those beautiful images in my memory over the years and desired the same romantic wedding night for myself. As someone born and raised in North America, I experienced the prevalence of romance in the mainstream culture (i.e. Valentine's Day) so the romantic tradition of the Suhaag Raat was a tradition I could relate to in my life in Canada.

A few years ago, as I began planning for my wedding I remembered those wedding night scenes from the Bollywood movies and hoped I could have the same for my wedding night. I didn't necessarily want the traditional decorations as shown in the images above but I did want to create a romantic ambience as I desired our wedding night to be as special and memorable as the wedding day. The first night together as husband and wife is the mark of a new life together so I wanted it to be special. How romantic would it be for the love of my life and I, as a newly married couple, to walk into our honeymoon suite elaborately decorated; it would be a memory we would remember forever! Unfortunately, unlike in South Asia, I could not find a company that specialized in this tradition and, needless to say, I was disappointed. After my wedding I thought if I wanted my wedding night to be special as it is part of the overall wedding celebrations, there must certainly be others like myself who would want the same. And that is how the concept of our business, A Night of Romance, began.

Most South Asian-Canadians were raised in two cultures: the mainstream Canadian culture and the culture that our parents brought over from their homeland. In addition to language, food, and religion, Bollywood has also played a role in helping us maintain ties with a part of the world that sometimes feels both familiar and foreign at the same time. For those of South Asian backgrounds growing up in Canada, Bollywood has inspired the type of music we listen and dance to, the fashion we wear to weddings and other functions, travels to India and, in my case, a start of a new business venture. Given the popularity of Bollywood for those from the South Asian diaspora it has undoubtedly played a part in our cultural identity as South Asians living abroad. With "Slumdog Millionaire" winning the best film at the Oscars in 2009 it will be interesting to see how Bollywood impacts those from North America who have never heard of Bollywood before.

Monika

A Night of Romance

http://www.anightofromance.ca/